Dear Prudence...

Silly internet thing

Sat, 02 Feb 2008 05:53:02 GMT

Out, damned Tara! Out, I say!

Which work of Shakespeare was the original quote from?

*giggle* I don't normally post things like this but I loved studying Shakespeare in English Lit and this was too funny. I don't often get ordered out of places!

Happily Ever After

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 00:18:12 GMT

Based on events at What We Do

I do believe in "happily ever after", though "happily" is certainly subjective and not always what you expect. Did I think I'd be able to happily live with my ex and two of her love interests- one past, one present? Of course not. Yet it works. Well, I'd even venture to say. To be fair, I'm not quite used to Will and Kennedy going around snuggling in the foyer, but I know that I need to be a big girl and get over it.

Oz and I have had a different relationship since the whole "wolfie" thing, and I'm really enjoying it. It's not anything huge- just a subtle change in how I think of him. He's no longer "Willow's Ex", he's the one who helped me be strong through that whole ordeal. I'm finally making his relationship with her a scene in a much longer, epic play instead of something at the forefront of my mind all the time.

Ultimately, we all have to work together. I truly believe that it's our destiny to be here, together, fighting evil. I think someone much more powerful than I knew that the world was going to need our help someday. I can't let petty feelings get in the way of that, and when I take a step back I realise that we make a great little dysfunctional family. I can't think of any place I'd rather be.

Word Count: 236

Topic #40- Protection

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 16:03:14 GMT

Based on an ongoing thread at What We Do

Honestly? This ranks up there with the whole Glory fiasco for "Times Tara wishes she was okay with using dark magics". To be fair, with the Glory situation I didn't really know what was going on, so I probably couldn't have done anything if I tried. I probably would've slurred my words and gotten distracted by a fork in the sunlight and tottered off and imploded myself or something. Not pretty, no matter how you look at it.

But now? There's something messed up going on right now and I'm sure channelling a bit of veiny Willow badness could help out right about now. Oz can go all wolfie, sure, but we've seen how things turn out when he's in his caninie form around me. That was years ago, for sure, but who knows what deep-set feelings he has about the whole thing.

Maybe I could sic him on Kennedy instead.

I guess that's not very nice and not at all productive to the situation at hand. Right now, all we've got is a witch who hasn't done anything even remotely naughty in years and a boy who can become a dog but may not be able to control it... and, we don't even know if the thing can be attacked... or, if there's anything even here at all. We did hear the voice, sure... and the candy cane thing? Very much weird. But maybe that's all it is! A weird, disembodied voice giving us candy out of a boot. Seems perfectly logical.

...or maybe denial is my armor. I'll keep pretending for as long as I can that nothing's wrong. I've seen how that can turn around and bite me in the ass, though.

word count: 302

Topic 9- One hour left to live

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 01:01:53 GMT

Honestly, I'm not sure what I would do if I only had one hour left to live. Last time, it couldn't have been better for me if I would've planned it. Willow and I were able to be together for one last night and then... it was done. Quick, thankfully.

Now? No one even knows I'm alive for the most part, so should I try to find someone and tell them I'm alive and that I'll be leaving again? What would be the point? I might be able to find Kennedy and ask her to get a message to Will, but what would I say? "Hey, sweetie. I was here, but I left again... be good. Maybe I'll be back again later?"

Maybe doing something by myself would be the best idea. I'm currently on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere, but it's gorgeous. I think I'd go out and put my feet in the sand near the ocean, like I did when I first got here, and just think happy thoughts. I can't think of a place that I'd rather be when I died than on a beautiful island in the sun. Well, besides with the love of my life, but I guess you can't have that one twice, now can you?

...God, when I write it down like this, it seems very depressing.

Topic 2- Soundtrack

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 05:28:11 GMT

I used to love making mix tapes. I think it's so much fun to take these songs that seemingly don't make sense but all fit perfectly when you take a step back.

Blackbird, The Beatles.
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see.
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

My mom was a huge Beatles fan and she'd sing this song to me sometimes. It always made me feel like I could come out of anything, no matter how bad the circumstances were.

Walk the Walk, Poe
Mother spent ten years sitting by a window
Scared if she spoke she would die of a heart attack
She listened as her dreams silently screamed
They drowned like little dolphins caught in a fishnet

More mom-centric lyrics. I always liked this song, but the lyrics resonate with me so much now that I'm older and I know how much my dad manipulated her. I also think back about when I decided to come to Sunnydale for school. My dad was so mad, but I couldn't stay in my tiny hometown and waste away.

Mother, Mother, Tracy Bonham
When you sent me off to see the world,
were you scared that I might get hurt?
Would I try a little tobacco?
Would I keep on hiking up my skirt?
I'm hungry
I'm dirty
I'm losing my mind
Everything's fine

This song summed up the first couple of semesters at school for me. I had never been in a town as big as Sunnydale (and people said it was tiny!) and it was so intimidating. It felt like I was having to convince myself to stay more often than not, and the only thing that kept me here was my mom. She knew it would change my life.

Sing Along, Blue Man Group with Dave Matthews Band
If I tell you I'm strong,
will you play along,
Or would you see I'm as insecure as everybody else?

I never felt like I fit in at school. Even the Wicca group on campus felt off until Willow joined. I didn't feel like I could tell anyone that I was gay and those girls seemed more interested in baking cookies than doing spells. Don't get me wrong, I love myself a mocha chocolate chip right out of the oven as much as the next girl, but that wasn't what I was there for.

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic, Sting
Every little thing she does is magic
Everything she do just turns me on
Even though my life before was tragic
Now I know my love for her goes on

Cliche, yes, but such an innocent song for the start to our relationship.

Under Your Spell, Me? And Willow? And Sweet the Demon?
I’m under your spell
How else could it be
Anyone would notice me?
It's magic, I can tell
How you set me free
Brought me out so easily

You can't have a soundtrack of your life without including the song you sang while under the thrall of a demon from another dimension, can you? I feel so young when I hear this song. We had no idea what was around the corner.

Across the Universe, The Beatles
Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe.
Pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
Possessing and caressing me.

When Willow and I started working with magicks together, everything was perfect. It felt like we were tapping in to everything that was good and pure about the world, and just touching her during a spell connected us on such a deep level.

Simple Kind of Life, No Doubt
And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
And all I needed was a simple man
So I could be a wife

I obviously didn't want a man, but I did want to be a wife. As much as I like helping people, sometimes I wished Willow and I could just sit at home and be an old married couple. I actually enjoyed the times in our relationship when I was bored.

A Day in the Life, The Beatles
He blew his mind out in a car
He didn’t notice that the lights had changed
A crowd of people stood and stared

Being as gone as I was after Glory was totally indescribable, but I think the instrumental part sums it up so well. It's totally cacophonous for a bit and then just stops. Sometimes I understood what was going on, but for the most part I was just... there. Unfortunately, I remember all of it.

Not an Addict, K's Choice
We're so creative, so much more
We're high above but on the floor
It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive
If you don't have it you're on the other side

I still don't know if Willow understands how bad it was for me, but when she was caught up with Rack she had total tunnel vision. I'd never been around someone with an addiction, so I had no idea how to deal with her. Ultimately, I needed to do what was best for me, even if it meant hurting her.

Evaporated, Ben Folds Five
here I stand:
sad and free
I can't cry
and I can't see
what I've done
no, God,
what have I done?

and I poured my heart out
and I poured my heart out
it evaporated...
see?

Living without her was the hardest thing I've ever done. We're going cliche again, but we were so close that I literally felt like a part of myself was missing I wasn't around her.

Evermore, Neil Diamond
If you think of me in a year or two
Find that photograph showing me with you
What you see is what should be
Evermore
...
There's one thing unsaid
Thought you'd want to know
Love you still....guess I will
Evermore

I think this song sums up everything for the two of us. I'll always have a place in my heart for her, but I have to choose myself for now. I can't say for sure that we wouldn't fall into old habits again.

So! There it is. As you can see, my music library runs from pop to dorky, but I love each song. Now I just wish I still had a netgirl to help me download the ones I don't have... except that one with me and Willow. I don't think demons from the underworld have audio equipment.

Topic 43- Satisfaction

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 22:06:28 GMT

"You really don't need to be here, I won't be offended..."

Willow scrunched up her nose as a waitress walked past our table, holding a tray laden with tacos and tamales. She took a deep breath and gave me a wavering smile. "It's not that I don't want to be with my girl, it's just... smelly."

I laughed and took a sip of my soda. I took a chip from the basket and dredged it through the homemade salsa that sat next to it. The tomatoes melted in my mouth and left a slightly hot taste as I swallowed. "For someone that's so open minded in other areas it's a shame that you won't branch out in the food arena", I said, winking at her. "Besides, you could've just gotten a quesadilla... it's just a tortilla and cheese. Totally safe."

She nodded and hesitantly grabbed a chip, putting just the corner in her mouth. She chewed slowly then put the rest of the chip in her mouth. "See?", I giggled. "Just like what you buy at the store, but fresh!"

A young woman appeared next to me and placed a large plate in front of me. "Careful", she warned me in a thick accent. "Very hot!". I glanced up at Willow and she looked paler than usual. "It just looks so... messy", she said, nudging at the pool of red sauce on my plate with her chip. She looked back down at it and contemplated eating it, then delicately put it in her napkin and folded it up.

I grabbed my fork and sliced into the tortilla, allowing the scent of chicken cooked all day, onions, and peppers to drift up at me. I sighed deeply and scooped a mouthful onto my fork, twisting stretchy strands of cheese around the metal tongs. "Mmm..." I said, waiting for it to cool. "It's been way too long since I've had a good enchilada."

I chewed slowly, savoring each flavor. A bite of homemade refried beans was rich and slightly salty. The sauce covering everything had just the right amount of tomatoes and wasn't too spicy. I ate quickly despite myself, barely noticing Willow as I shoveled forkful after forkful into my mouth. When the plate was cleared, I sighed again and leaned back against the booth, reaching for a napkin to wipe at my mouth. My hand naturally rested on my full stomach and I looked up, our eyes meeting. Her head was cocked as she took in the scene. I blushed slightly and looked down again. "I-I guess I got a little excited", I laughed.

"You know, I'm not sure if I'm more disgusted or turned on. Either way, I'd like to go home now."

Word Count: 454

Best Friends- Topic 42

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 02:17:18 GMT

I never realised how much I loved my mom until I got to be with her again. I always knew she supported me and cared for me, but there was this easy way about our relationship since I grew up. I could talk to her about anything and she would listen thoughtfully and give advice when she could, but she never judged me or the choices that I had made, even when they weren't the best.

The Scoobies were always great to me as well. I doubted them at first, for sure, but they always stepped up whenever you really needed them. I never thought I'd meet such a close-knit group of people before them. I guess going through what they've been through will do that, though.

*sigh* I miss them all, really. I wish I could go back to that time when things were easy. Well, I guess they weren't easy, exactly- but not so complicated. At least I knew my place.

Word count: 163.

Topic #37- Proverbs

Sun, 03 Sep 2006 04:53:21 GMT

Where there is no trust there is no love.

Each new addition to the cardboard box on her bed felt like another weight on her back. She moved around the room she had shared with the woman she planned on spending the rest of her life with and removed anything that she had brought into it. Nearly a year of her life, regulated to a flimsy box with an alcohol logo on the side.

She was down to the last few remnents and unintentionally dragged the process out. She crouched down to scan the titles of the bottom row of books, picking out ones that were hers and flipping through the others, not reading any of the words inside but somehow hoping that one of them had the solution to all of this.

She knew she wouldn't find it in any of the books they had gathered while they were together. As she rubbed her hands against the worn leather of one of them, so many arguments flooded her head.

I can stop, baby. I promise, it'll be different this time...

It'll always be different, yet it never is. I can't do this anymore.

Please, please don't go. Not now. I can't do this without you!

She slammed the book shut and stood, tossing it on top of shirts that she'd never be able to wear again without smelling betrayal and letters she was tempted to burn but knew she'd want to read again someday.

Sighing, she picked up the box and headed for the hall. She stopped in the doorway and turned around, looking around the room for one last time. The brass knob felt frigid in her hand as pulled the door shut, making a deafening sound as the door met the frame.

word count: 286

Topic 35: Past Life Regression

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 20:14:53 GMT

Who was I in my former life? That's an easy answer.

First things first, though. Some Wiccans believe that when you die, you go to a place called The Summerlands. It's kind of like Heaven in the sense that it's infinately better than here and you get to see people that have passed on before you (pets, too. I saw the cat we had on our farm when I was 4, Mr. Boots. It was kind of odd, because I could see his aura like I could see other peoples', which doesn't happen on Earth. He was usually either hungry or bored... disdainful, sort of? I think it's true what they say about cats thinking we humans are their servants, either on Earth or in the afterlife), but it's not like Christian Heaven in the sense that it's this place you work your hardest to be in and then you stay there forever as a "reward". Some people do choose to stay there, but usually when you get there you have more knowledge than you had when you died, so most people choose to go back in a different form. You learn a lot this way, and it's interesting to look back on all the lives you've lived before and see how things progressed and what kinds of mistakes you make over and over again.

I wasn't ever anyone really important. I always hear people saying, "oh, I was Cleopatra in my past life" or whatever, and I have to wonder how many personalities that poor woman had to fit all of the people that claim her. Mostly, I was normal people- a farmworker in South America around the turn of the century (I think this experience is probably why I hate corn so much), a man who worked in a factory in the 40's... I guess my most "exciting" past life (and one that was closest to the one I lived now) was when I lived in England right after Stonehendge was erected. Granted, I didn't have anything to do with it, but the Coven I worked with did beautiful spells there. It really is a sacred, honorable place.

Now that I'm back, the memories of who I was aren't as vivid, but I think I was contemplating coming back (in a new body, that is) when I appeared here. Maybe that's what caused it, and some cosmic wires just got crossed somewhere? If only there was some kind of afterlife users-guide...

Topic 32- Letter

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 03:59:13 GMT

Topic 32: Therapists say that the best way to work through unresolved issues is to write a letter and say all the things you need to say to the person you are having conflict with. This can be a letter you decide to send, but more often than not it will be a letter that no one but you will read. We want you to write a letter to someone, anyone, and say whatever it is you need to say. You can be completely honest in this letter because most likely, you will probably decide not to send it.

[locked]

Dear Willow,

I don't want to believe that you had anything to do with... this, but how could I not? You knew I had reservations with Buffy, you encouraged Dawn with Joyce...

I really wanted to forgive you for everything. I thought our getting back together would've been a way to fully repair things but there was always that lingering thought. That "what if" in the back of my head. I wanted our love to make it all go away.

I know what happened after I died. Heaven doesn't have big screen televisons or anything, it's more like feelings, but with you? Goddess. Everyone felt it. I know you'd argue that it was because of our love and it just set you over the deep end, but somewhere deep inside I think you thought what you were doing was retribution... like I'd appreciate my death being avenged. I didn't. I never liked what you called an "addiction" and you knew that. Did you think that it impressed me? I know you'd say you didn't, but sometimes you seemed so desperate for our approval that I doubt you were thinking clearly then. And with the mind-wiping? I hate to compare things with rape, because I've never experienced that kind of horror, but knowing that someone has more control over your mind than you do, especially after Glory, was completely devastating. I have never felt more helpless. But you didn't care. Authority over me was more important to you than thinking about my feelings.

I know about Cassie too. What she said wasn't entirely untrue. Of course, it had that twist of evil Firstly goodness, but I was always terrified that you were going to lose control again. I knew that Giles was working with you and I wanted to believe that it was going to be different. I really did- but here I am. Who else could have done it but you, Willow? Dawnie tried with Joyce, but only because you pointed the way. Dawnie learned her lesson. Did you? Did you really believe me when I said that Wiccans had been discouraging the use of those magicks for ages because of how dangerous they were, or did you think they were some kind of scare tactic?

So far I seem fine. Maybe I just got off lucky, or maybe there's something totally wrong that I haven't found yet. Or maybe all of these people I'm seeing on this desert island are the dysfunction. Did you pull me out of a place where I was able to be with my mom all the time to one where I'm terrified all the time and surrounded by strangers?

When will I lose this connection with you? I love you, but I can't stand the thought of being anywhere near you. Sometimes, I can't even stand the thought of you existing. I would rather believe what we had was a beautiful dream. It makes me ~~hate~~ dislike you so much less.

~~Love~~ ~~Yours Always~~

-Tara

[/locked]

Word Count: 501

Topic 30- Secrets

Sun, 23 Jul 2006 18:16:17 GMT

I used to think I was pretty open about things- I'm an out lesbian, for Goddesses' sake, but I guess I selectively forgot the fact that I kept a secret for a large portion of my life.

My dad started hinting about demons and monsters when I was really young. Just off-handed things- that they exist all around us in secret and hurt people, so I should always eat my vegetables and go to bed on time and study really hard. By the time my mother died, I think that my dad knew that we were witches (despite us trying to hide it), so he "broke the news" to me- my mom was part demon, and that was the source of her powers. If I had the powers, I must have the demon in me as well.

It was hard to believe at first, but everyone in our family had grown up with these stories, so it was everywhere. My older brother would make comments like, "watch out, Ter-Ter, you're letting your 'other side' show" if I was at all feisty or didn't do what he wanted me to do... but they all did it with such caring in their voice, like they were really concerned about me fitting in. When I went off for college, they constantly warned me about being good and told me that everyone would hate me- or possibly hurt me- if they found out who I really was.

I really don't know why I didn't tell the Scoobies when I met them. Sure, Buffy killed demons, but there were also demons she associated with because they had a soul. I felt pretty secure with my soul-status, but when I fell in love with Willow I just couldn't do it. What if she rejected me? Xander hated the fact that Buffy had been with Angel- wouldn't he feel the same about Willow and I? Ultimately, I just kept my mouth shut... but then my dad added another layer to it- apparently on my 20th birthday, I was supposed to come to full demon maturity and it would take over my soul. I couldn't deal with it. Looking back on it, all of it seems so ridiculous. I should've talked to Willow and we could've done some kind of spell... thankfully, it was all determined by an amazingly painful punch in the nose from Spike. The only consolidation was that it probably hurt him as badly as it hurt me.

Knowing that it was all a lie was this weird cross of a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders and the pain of knowing I had been betrayed by my family for years. Our relationship hasn't been the same since. My brother tries- he was told I was a demon just like I was, but I think in some ways he agrees with what my dad did, so I can't completely forgive him. I realize now how dangerous secrets can be- even the necessary ones.

[locked]...but apparantly that doesn't stop me from lying about where I came from to everyone I'm meeting on the island. How am I going to get out of this one?[/locked]

Word Count: 529

Beautiful Mess (Topic 28- Sex)

Mon, 03 Jul 2006 04:22:48 GMT

I've known I liked girls for as long as I can remember, but I didn't have sex with one until I came to Sunnydale. SmallTowne, USA isn't really the hippest place to find other lesbians, and everyone already thought I was weird enough without adding that into the mix.

It wasn't Willow- she was the first girl I actually made love to and had it actually count. Bianca was a girl I met in the Wicca group at UC Sunnydale and she was... well, looking back, she was destructive, but she was also gorgeous and so unlike anyone else I had ever met before. She was so open with her sexuality and her want to go out and enjoy life that I got sucked in.

Things with us were never more than sex, which wasn't at all what I wanted but I was still trying to figure out how to date girls and not feel weird about it. Thankfully, by the end of our relationship quite a bit of her bordering-on-brazenness towards the whole thing had rubbed off on me. I saw that the world didn't explode (well, then anyway...) and that Sunnydale as a whole was pretty welcoming towards people that were different... either that, or they were completely oblivious. I mean, how can that many people get bitten before people stop buying the whole, "they must have fallen on a fork" excuse? Willful ignorance, I guess.

I ramble. Anyway, after Bianca I realised that I didn't want to do that with just anyone... and then Willow came along. It was suprizingly quickly afterward so I almost didn't let myself feel anything for her. In a sense, it was good that she was unsure as well. It helped me make sure for myself that she was someone I wanted to be with. When it finally happened, it was exactly what I had been waiting for my whole life. She and I together were beauty exemplified. It was always so easy- with Bianca I was clumsy and inept but I could anticipate Willow's every thought and we were always on the same wavelength when it came to "soft and romantic" or "hot and fiesty". I don't know if I'll ever connect to someone like I connected with her, and while that makes me sad sometimes, I also treasure every good day I had with her. That is what sex is all about.

Word Count: 402

Omg, Tara's ALIVE?! (OOC)

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 18:23:09 GMT

So, in trying to figure out a way to act as if Tara were alive and not acknowledge the people that don't believe she was alive, I got a headache. It made me cry. Then, the Lost/Yacht subplot came around and there was much rejoicing from my brain.

Thankfully, the island is a magical, mysterious place... just the right place for Tara to suddenly show up, alive (as if she was dead before this). Now, this is against how I've been writing Tara up to this point, but thankfully I haven't made much of an impact on the RP side of the community and I've only written a couple of prompts that won't be affected by this change. Plus, the idea of dealing with her coming back from Heaven and having a new layer to deal with made me giddy inside, so I'm going with it... that, and I just like to complicate things wherever I go, which is why I chose to play a dead character as alive in the first place. *laugh*

As her Mun, I'm not married to any particular idea about how she got there. I have two ideas, one of which makes assumptions about Willow's character. While we don't have a Willow-mun as I'm writing this, I also don't want to cause problems for whomever comes along in the future. I believe that Tara would automatically think that Willow pulled her out of Heaven, and if that's where Future Willow-mun wants to take it, that's fine. My idea in this regard wasn't that Willow consciously did a spell or anything, but at the height of her evil her one wish was constantly that Tara could come back. When she set all the potentials "free", this caused a big enough positive energy change in the 'Verse that her wish was granted. My second scenario, and one that I think would be kind of fun to play out, is that the First, in a last-ditch attempt to make a foothold with the Scooby gang, thought that bringing Tara back (and having Tara be pissed as all get out about it) might drive Willow back over the edge.

Like I said, either way (or another new way) is fine with me, and I'm just using the oddness of the island as an excuse to get Tara alive and back in with those Scoobies (past and present) who want to associate with her but can't because their character believes that she's dead. I'm hoping that everyone who chooses to go along with it will continue to do so once we're all rescued (and I'm not sure why they wouldn't, but I don't presume to talk for any Mun but myself), but if Future Willow-Mun decides not to, I'm okay with that as well and have an idea to deal with that too.

*exhale!* Sheesh. Rambly. I'll be posting my "omg, Earth!" post in fm_island_plot asap, but I'll be at a wedding until tomorrow afternoon. I'm so excited to start working on this and I hope it's okay with the Mods!

#25- Pet Peeves

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 01:51:53 GMT

I was never a big 'net girl in Sunnydale- that was Willow's turf. Sure, sometimes I went on for school or random Big Bad research if she wasn't around, but for the most part, I avoided it. Too much drama and people spell really badly! It's kind of depressing.

One thing I do like about the internet, though? No one can hear you ~~scream~~ stutter.

Do you know how old it gets having people assume you're stupid because your mouth refuses to work with your brain? It doesn't matter that I can read texts in languages that people have never even heard of- if I get flustered and say, "wh-what?" when I don't hear someone it's like something in their brain clicks over into "she rides the offensive 'short bus'" mode. I hate having people talking to me like I'm 3 years old. It just seems like people have this rush-y speed that they want everything to run at, and my having to focus on each word individually slows them down to the point that they feel like they need to belittle the woman they're helping. Don't even get me started on teenagers either. I’ve lost count of how many have given me trouble about it, from the low end of eye rolling and heaving sighs to flat out laughter and mocking as I’m leaving places. Sometimes Willow would make mischief with those people, and as much as I hated her misusing her majick, I kind of felt like they deserved it. I don’t understand how people think that it’s okay to openly making fun of something that people can’t control at all.

Thankfully, it's gotten a lot better. When I'm in a situation that I feel comfortable in, I'm able to suppress it quite a bit. I have to thank the Scoobies for that, actually. They really gave me a place where I felt like I could be of some help and make a difference. When I was around them, it usually went away. It's only when I get scared or really stressed out that it comes out, and those are the times when I least want people talking down to me. Here's hoping it doesn't flare up again in LA. That's all I'd need right now.

Word Count- 378

Fandom Muse Application

Sat, 03 Jun 2006 02:19:43 GMT

Something learned from the past...

With this knot I seal this hex, you will not sleep, you will not rest…

“I’m n-n-not sure we should be doing this, Katie…” Tara stammered, glancing outside her bedroom window at the oak tree that sat outside. During the day, it was a source of comfort for her, but the Spirit she normally felt inside the tree seemed to be warning her as it scraped its huge branches along the glass.

Katie sighed, lowering the black candle onto the pentacle formed on the floor in salt. “C’mon Tara. Don’t be a wuss here. You said you’d help me. You know how much she deserves this…” she pleaded. “You know I can’t do this without you!”

At 14, Tara Maclay realized she had powers. She could see things in people that seemed so obvious to her, but no one else noticed when the air around someone turned dark when they lied or turned shiny pink when their crush walked by. It wasn’t something she broadcasted to her school, but people could tell she was different and in her tiny town word traveled fast. Tara was eager for people to like her, so she often got herself into situations her mother had warned her about- including putting a hex on the most popular girl in school’s rival.

Knots of anger, knots of hate, Discord brings you to your fate
I tie this second knot makes two, Bringing darkness over you
Slander, discord, evil too, Bringing darkness straight to you

Tara intoned hurriedly, tying haphazard knots in thick, black string and praying to the Goddess that the spell Katie found in the faddish book on the tabloid rack at the Pick-n-Pull didn’t actually have any power. Katie’s eyes reflected the candles around the room as she sat forward excitedly; expecting a huge puff of smoke to signal that the spell had worked. “Hurry!” she said, clapping.

“We really sh-sh-shouldn’t be messing with majicks”. Tara put down the string, looking around the room slowly. The shadows cast looked dangerous to her, and the energy in the room had become intrusive. She felt like something was trying to force itself inside her brain, and no amount of prayer was closing herself off from it.

“God, Tara. Don’t be such a baby!” Katie leaned over the pentacle and ripped the paper from her hands, then went for the knotted cord. Tara’s hand shot out, grabbing her wrist and digging her nails into the girls exposed wrist. “What are you doing?! Let me go!” she yelped, and their eyes met- Katie’s light blue noticing that Tara’s normally hazel irises had turned pitch black. “Operor non meddle per everto!” Tara moaned, her head whipping from side to side frantically as the witch tried to release herself from the hold of whatever was in her head. Latin was spilling from her lips too quickly for her to translate and she was vaguely aware that she was making a wriggling Katie bleed.

The bedroom door slammed open and Katie screamed. Tara’s mother strode in, clutched Tara’s head to her breast, and whispered something in her ear as the scent of cloves filled the air. Tara went limp as a gust of wind blew through the room, knocking the candles over and dispersing the sand on the floor. A shaken Tara looked up, teary eyed. “Mm-Mom? What happened?!” Bethany Maclay shot Katie a look filled with malice. “Magick is not something you play with. I hope you learned your lesson.” As the sound of the girl’s feet pounding down the stairs filled her ears, Tara sank into her mother’s arms, sobbing.

Dreams
Sometimes I’m afraid to go to sleep because that’s when I dream about Glory. Don’t get me wrong, logically I can understand why she thought I could be the key. Newbie to the Scoobies and all, but being “logical” doesn’t get the feelings of her fingers out of my head. The feeling that your most private areas aren’t yours anymore is something you don’t really get over, I think. I don’t know how many of my memories she experienced with me; how many private and sacred things she tarnished by using them for food. I constantly wonder if there was something I should’ve done, some kind of spell I could’ve used. We knew Glory was affecting people’s minds at that point, though I don’t think any of us really followed the highly illogical train of thought of, “maybe she sticks her godly fingers into their brains!”

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Sometimes I feel like it was my fault that I was there, and if I wouldn’t have been, I wouldn’t have been attacked and Willow wouldn’t have gone after her and used dark majicks… and look where that lead. In my dreams sometimes it’s Willow with her hands in my mind, forcing me to help her to do spells that make people mindless zombies like Glory’s snacks were. I wake up crying and disoriented and (ironically enough) a pounding headache and I hate it. I hate Glory for doing it and I’m afraid that a part of me will always hate the part of Willow that developed because of it.
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